LeftAction.com‘s Unicorn spoof was a reaction to Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett’s threat to keep Obama off the ballot in November, based on false claims that Obama was not born in the US. To appease 1,200 “birthers” who emailed him saying that Obama was born in Kenya, Bennett launched an investigation into Obama’s birthplace, demanding that Hawaii send him proof that Obama was born in the US.
Many of the “facts” supporting Romney’s status as a unicorn are taken directly from a well-publicized conversation between Donald Trump and Wolf Blitzer on Tuesday. When Blitzer challenged Trump’s claims that Obama was born in Kenya, Trump repeatedly said, “Many people say so,” and “Many people believe it.” Challenged by Blitzer on the birth announcement that appeared in a Hawaii newspaper days after Obama’s birth, Trump alleged that everyone knows that “many people” put false birth announcements in newspapers, and contended that the hospital was in on the conspiracy.
Hours after Trump went on the air to vocalize, once again, claims so absurd that even the anchors at Fox News discount them as lunacy, Trump hosted a fundraiser for Romney that was expected to raise upwards of two million dollars. While Romney himself says that he does not believe Obama was born in Kenya, he has done nothing to distance himself from the birther movement’s most outspoken and high-profile mouthpiece. Far from it, the two appear cozier than ever. While I don’t agree with Romney’s policies, I personally think he is probably a far better man than Trump, whose frequent narcissistic ramblings about his own wealth, not to mention his four bankrupt businesses and trade-em-in-for-a-younger-model philosophy on marriage, give him a veneer of slickness that seems very much at odds with Romney’s wholesome image. The fact that Romney apparently feels no need to take a firm stand against Trump’s campaign of falsehood–as opposed to simply saying that “I don’t agree with all the people that support me“–should be cause for alarm.
As you all probably know by now, Mitt Romney is a unicorn. This is indeed a very disturbing turn of events for a number of reasons. This article will provide a factual basis for the claims of Mitt Romney’s unicornism and will attempt to analyze some of the more significant dangers of having a unicorn in the White House.
How do we know Mitt Romney is a unicorn?
- Many people believe he is a unicorn.
- Many people say he is a unicorn.
- I read on the internet that Mitt Romney is a unicorn.
Why should you be concerned that Mitt Romney is a unicorn?
- Unicorns are unAmerican.
- Unicorns practice a weird religion
- The constitution of the United States specifically prohibits unicorns from holding office.
- If a unicorn is president of the United States, our number one enemy, Unilandia, will soon dominate the world stage. While Unilandia has a small army in comparison to ours, it has many horns. In fact, recent intelligence reveals that Unilandia has horns of mass destruction (HMD).
- If we have a unicorn for president, back room deals with Unilandia will certainly lead to the loss of American jobs, particularly in the crucial areas of circus acts and stuffed animals
Why does the governor of Michigan claim that Mitt Romney was born a human child in Detroit?
That is a fiction perpetrated by the powers that be. In fact, Mitt Romney’s parents put a birth announcement in their hometown newspaper decades ago claiming that Mrs. Romney had given birth to a male child named Mitt. This was clearly a deep-seated conspiracy between the Romneys, the newspapers, and the hospital staff to conceal the fact that Mrs. Romney had engaged in marital congress with a unicorn. In fact, many people believe that Mrs. Romney was a spy from Unilandia; therefore, it must be true.
What do you have against unicorns?
Nothing. People claim that the Unicorners movement is prejudiced against unicorns. The fact is, we have no issue with unicorns, as long as they do not cross our borders.
Also, you are lying if you pretend that unicorns don’t creep you out. Have you ever seen a unicorn riding a unicycle? If so, you know it is a nightmarish image you will never forget. Unicorns are like unicycles: weird and scary.
What can you do to keep a unicorn from becoming president?
- Spread the word to your friends and neighbors.
- Sign the petition to have Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett prove that Mitt Romney is not a unicorn. The good folks at LeftAction.org have specified that they would like a DNA test, as well as a photograph of Mitt Romeny without his hair, which is quite possibly covering a horn. Isn’t it your duty as an American to investigate these startling claims?